Now, I’m not an overly fearful person and during this period I don’t think I was scared of Coronavirus per se but the oppressive feeling of fear was everywhere and I couldn’t escape it. Then coupling this with the uncertainty of the future was sometimes just too much. Some days this fear consumed smog would stay lifted and we could function happily as a family and enjoy each other’s company. Other days, were another matter entirely. Sameer would leave something out on the kitchen bench and I would give him the silent treatment (I would prefer not to admit how long) or he would change Ari into something that was too warm for the weather and we would get into a pretty heated argument.  

One thing that did bring us together when the smog infiltrated our home were Ariella’s toilet habits. You see, during this time she was dealing with some intense constipation where her entire head would go tomato red from pushing, it often looked like her head would fly off, and only a little pebble come out. I know, poor baby girl. So when something bigger did come out we were overjoyed and danced together as if lockdown had been lifted.  

During our 87 days of prison, we constantly heard reports of police beating people with sticks if they left their home without a decent reason.  The days when Sameer had to leave the house to buy food, because one carrot wouldn’t go very far for dinner, was a little nerve wrecking.  

However, our situation was endurable compared to others. We live in a beautiful house with a roof top to enjoy the sun and enough room for Sameer and I to ‘give each other space’. We had access to the internet – I could still talk with friends abroad and my parents, I could communicate with our amazing staff and continue to work.  I could access Netflix, we all know those days were tedious and we needed something to help pass the time. We had enough money to buy fruit and vegetables and still feed Ari good and healthy meals. 

But so many people are not as lucky. We have seen suicide, domestic violence and sexual abuse skyrocket. Mental health care is almost unheard of in Nepal and most people don’t know how to stabilise themselves. I’ve seen a Facebook Live video of a young woman hanging herself, there are reports of nurses inside quarantine areas raping their patients.  Thousands of Nepali’s were stuck on the border of India and Nepal when they tried to go home, but were rejected by their own country. Day workers who weren’t earning, literally walked to the other side of the country to get to their village as there were no vehicles travelling.  There weren’t and still aren’t enough PCR tests. We’ve seen the youth rise up and protest about the inadequacies of governmental response to this crisis. We’ve seen caste discrimination in full effect where five low caste boys were murdered by a community for asking a higher caste girl to marry. We’ve seen children absolutely stressed out about not being able to go to school – for those lucky enough with internet or a TV they were able to continue online; however, most villages don’t have these luxuries. This again widening the class gap.   

People were angry, bored and quickly running out of money. Over 87 days the smog penetrated deep into their hearts and they couldn’t handle it anymore. They were on the tipping point.   

On the 16 June the government announced an ease on the restrictions. Still no school, no public transport, mandatory mask wearing, vehicles with even number plates could travel one day and odd number plates the next, but we could finally leave the house!! On 18 June our office opened again. It was a good, good day! 

For us, the lockdown left us mostly unscathed. We now know where in the house we can be alone and away from each other, we ate a little into our savings and Ari isn’t a big fan of people except for her mummy and papa, but we really don’t have any major complaints.  

But for those who were already on the edge, they had a few days relief and then the monsoon arrived in full swing. Landslides are happening all over the country. Entire villages have been wiped out. People are dying and are being injured. Local people are afraid to help due to COVID-19. Others can’t help as the districts aren’t open yet, we’re still locked down in our areas.  

Those few days of relief weren’t enough to reflect and debrief the 87 days of lockdown and now another wave has come and smashed us. Rather than the smog dispersing and giving us a little space to breathe, the monsoon has intensified the smog and made it even more prevalent and oppressive.